i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
