my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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