there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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