i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize