we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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