I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
