There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
