I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
