Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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