dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
