I wish my penis had an off switch
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
