Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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