Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
