Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
