Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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