No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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