but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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