Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
