I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
