cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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