I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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