no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
