You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
