Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize