Me. At least after what I've been through.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
