I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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