I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
