So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
