I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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