R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
