im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
