I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You were trust falling into bushes
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
