Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize