if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
