You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
