Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I need to align my fucking chakras
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
