too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize