Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
