I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
