Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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