Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
