I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
