i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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