can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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