u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My breasts were aching with rage.
The struggles of a small town man whore
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
