Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
