ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
