i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Come see our sink grown plant.
he fucked my hip out of place.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
