Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
