I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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