As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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