his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
