This dress was meant to end up on your floor
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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