I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
