I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
