i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dear god my vagina.
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