My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
