I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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