bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
