I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
