White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
