THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
