do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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