I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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