i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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