RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
