I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
