8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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