my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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