Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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