My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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