my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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