; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
