We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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