I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
